If some level of ego is necessary to live, a slightly greater degree is necessary to lead. In this sense, I’m referring to the psychological, philosophical, normative sense of self. You have to believe in yourself in order to lead others. You cannot lead an organization unless you actually think you’ll be successful. And this is where ego starts to become even more complex because how much ego you need must be tempered by key, concurrent realities, the most important of which are the people you lead. Strong personalities often have stronger egos than they realize. The confidence they exude often makes people feel more insecure. While the effects of one’s ego cannot always be controlled, understanding the role that personality plays in ego and leadership can make a difference in how we lead. For example, a leader with a big ego tends to be extremely self-centered. They push others with their own agendas, often ignoring or not caring about the effect this may have on the team. Extreme egos can cost organizations, causing them to lose internal and external trust, overall productivity, and team members who refuse to tolerate the toxicity of egocentrism. Rather than taking the opportunity to imbue greater confidence and ego in the team, these types of leaders hoard it, extending a narrative that only the talented survive, the most talented of which is the leader himself or herself.

Conversely, leaders who struggle with a weak sense of themselves can also project big egos, but often out of their own insecurity. They lead by making others feel lower than themselves so that they can feel some level of higher importance. Insecure leaders are more likely to micromanage their teams out of fear that no one’s work will measure up, which carries the risk of exposure for the leader. 

Along with micromanaging, insecure leaders may also be susceptible to bullying and coercion of employees, creating a toxic environment that makes it nearly impossible for others to succeed. But for the leader with low self-esteem, it doesn’t matter whether others succeed or not. What matters most is the self-justification of their own actions and the achievement of their own success.

Teams suffer in environments where the leader’s ego is either too big or too small, namely because both extremes cause leaders to care more about themselves and their own well-being without concern for others. While some employees may tolerate the imbalance of ego in leaders for a season, the long-term impact on others may be incalculable. How leaders see themselves affects how team members see themselves, either as critical and valuable or as expendable and worthless. Once people on a team feel like their presence and contributions don’t matter, it’s only a matter of time before they respond to protect their own egos by checking out, quitting, retaliating, or worse.

Having an ego is a necessary, complicated reality for leadership, and for this reason, it must be crucified with Christ. This level of self-surrender may be the only way to truly understand how to balance the challenges and opportunities our egos present. Jesus models for us a way of being and understanding ego that captures the challenges and nuances of thinking either too much or too little of our selves. As fully God and fully man, Jesus lived in the tensions of worldviews, personalities, cultures, and contexts. He was constantly aware of what it meant to adjust to the ego that was necessary in working with the religious leaders as opposed to what was needed in teaching the disciples. To those with big egos like the Pharisees, he was not afraid to come out strong, calling them a “brood of vipers,” suggesting they were offspring of Satan himself (Matthew 12:34). To those with weaker egos, he was not afraid to show vulnerability, weeping at the tomb of Lazarus and crying out to God in front of those who grieved (John 11:35). Yet in all of his contextual sensitivity, Jesus remained true to his ego, balancing it with what it meant to be the Word made flesh among us.

He had every right to be self-centered and arrogant. He was there at the beginning, and all things were created through and for him (Colossians 1:16). He had every reason to be a narcissist, demanding the admiration of others. After all, every creature in the heavens, the earth, and under the earth will one day worship him (Revelation 5:13). But instead, Jesus chose to lower his ego so much that he was born as a baby, subjecting himself to full dependence as a child. He chose to work with his hands, likely learning from Joseph, knowing that life could be created by just a word from his mouth. Jesus submitted himself to the ways of the world, even leading to his own crucifixion, but he did so without losing his sense of identity. In many ways, the great “I Am” surrendered to death precisely because he knew who he was.

His identity was so clear and his ego was so well defined that he did not depend on the affirmation of others. Jesus never had to question whether he was true or relevant or loved because his identity was deeply connected to his relationship with the Father. Jesus was because God is. By trinitarian design, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit exist together, affirming seamless relationship and unique expression all at once. In this way, Jesus knew who he was because the primary marker of his identity came from what John described in the opening of his Gospel: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1). His ego stemmed from this reality and from this very present love. Yes, the ego of Jesus was rooted and grounded in the unconditional, never changing love of God. This love showered Jesus at both his baptism and his transfiguration, speaking from the heavens about the “Son, whom I love” (Matthew 3:17; 17:5). This love anchored Jesus when he was tested by others, strengthening his resolve to stand firm in acts of healing and works of grace (John 5:20). Ultimately, the love of God through Jesus is what punctuates the relevance of the cross, knowing that the crucifixion of the Son was an expression of the Father’s deep love for us all (John 3:16). He was willing to die and to surrender his ego for the love of God, which resulted in unimaginable love for us as well.

The death of Christ included the crucifixion of ego as well. For what greater sacrifice can be made on earth than to sacrifice one’s sense of self and well-being for the sake of others? The ego fights for self-preservation and justification. It competes with others for its own survival, and without it, we might not consider our lives worth living. But Jesus modeled the duality of deep confidence and true humility by knowing who he was and simultaneously laying it all down. His sense of self was so rooted in his relationship with the Father that he not only loved the world but also encouraged his disciples to be known by this nonsensical love as well (John 13:34 35). The affection Jesus commanded his disciples to have for others did not make sense because it appeared that the world did nothing to merit God’s love. In fact, the actions of the world suggested the exact opposite: a hatred of God through Christ and a disdain for those who follow him. But with an ego so strong and a love so deep that it was unafraid of the world, Jesus was still willing to die for it and to call his disciples to a level of self-assurance that enabled them to extend this same kind of love.

The ego is complex and nuanced, but once crucified in Christ, it can be the greatest asset of any leader. As we resurrect the ego that is encapsulated by God’s love, we also redefine ourselves in a way that is both within and above the world around us. We become new, as Paul suggests, locating our ego and identity in a person and reality that extends beyond the world we know (2 Corinthians 5:17). So again, what would it look like for you to lead with an ego so anchored in God’s love that you can be who you are called to be in any given context, at any given moment? Responding to this question requires a lifelong journey in partnership with God’s Spirit. As you proceed along this beautiful path, here are some questions that may guide you along the way:

1. What contexts bring out the best of your ego? Which ones bring out the worst?
2. What barriers keep you from truly experiencing the love of God?
3. Where do you feel most compelled to lean into a deeper awareness of God’s approval, acceptance, and affirmation?
4. Where do you feel most convicted and encouraged to lean into a deeper knowledge of God’s ability to humble you?
5. Describe what it would look like for you to lead like you are deeply loved. What feels different within you? How does this show up differently in your work with others?

May God give us grace to lead like we are deeply loved and to love those we serve from that reality.