Lieutenant Holly Bilbay – USA East

I am an extrovert, but that hasn’t always been the case. I can recall a time when I was a shy, timid girl who was full of sadness, depression and low self-esteem. However, through the grace of God, I have found happiness and joy in life. 

My sister and I were blessed with wonderful grandparents who cared for us when our biological parents abandoned us at a young age. We had a wonderful life full of love and support until I was 10. That’s when my grandfather passed away, leaving my grandmother the sole caretaker of both my sister and me, forever changing my life. 

My grandmother struggled financially, which is how we met The Salvation Army. I became involved in corps programs at church, and eventually came to know Jesus.

However, the loving home I once knew became a place of abuse and chaos as darkness took over my family. My self-esteem and value for my life were gone, and in full transparency, I thought about ending my own life at times. 

When I was 18 years old, I found myself desperate once again when my grandmother died, leaving me ready to graduate high school homeless, with nowhere to go but a friend’s bedroom floor. I walked away from God and turned towards alcohol and toxic relationships in place of Him.

I will never forget the day I was broken in sin with no self-worth when I met a newly appointed Salvation Army officer. Surprisingly, she met me with love and acceptance for who I was. She picked me up, cried with me, encouraged me and reminded me through her love that Jesus still loved me regardless of my actions. Shortly after, I began attending church and, more importantly, was restored in my loving relationship with Jesus Christ. 

Like many, I ran from my calling of officership, not because I was disobedient but because the wounds of my past prevented me from thinking I could do what God was calling me to. I grew up thinking poorly about myself; how could God use me? He continued to call me, and though I was hesitant, I submitted to His call and will for my life. I was nervous about many things regarding the College for Officer Training (CFOT). There were times when my doubts took over and I almost stopped the process altogether. Encouragement always came right when I needed it, and before I knew it, it was time to move to Suffern, NY.

The CFOT has become my home the past two years. I was reminded early on that it was a safe place to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually aside from academics, but I had to come out of my comfort zone. It wasn’t easy, but with Jesus leading the way and walking side by side with officers and session mates, I did it! 

The Lord called me, and I followed! I had to let go of my self-control and “let God!” I will forever be grateful for the CFOT and officers who invested in me and saw something I couldn’t see in myself! Because of the Lord, this place and the people here, I now have the confidence to go out and love others and be the hands and feet of Jesus. I am often asked, “If I could go back and change anything from my past, would I?” The answer is no, because without my past, I wouldn’t know The Salvation Army, and I wouldn’t know Jesus! 

Lieutenant Samuel Gilmore – USA West

Is stubbornness a strength? I used to think so. I believed you needed a hard nose if you were going to press it to the grindstone for any length of time. 

I count myself blessed to have been born to parents who were both Salvationists, and who loved me the best that they could. They believed in God, loved God and raised their children to know God as well as be part of the church. But they were also stubborn, and I picked that up from them as well.

When I look back, I see how God blessed my parents, and how God blessed me through them, but when I was younger, I didn’t quite understand all that. At the time, I saw God as something much bigger than my life. He just didn’t really fit into how I saw myself living. 

I knew about God from my time spent in church, from Bible stories and sermons. I remember that at some point in my life I did accept Jesus as my Savior. But as far as I was concerned, God was off doing His thing and I was happy to be doing my own thing, participating in religion on Sundays all the while living comfortably under the roof my parents provided, and stubbornly contributing nothing in return. I would spend weeks at a time playing video games in my room, and it wouldn’t be unusual if I didn’t speak a word to a living soul the entire time. 

I was riding as a passenger in my own life, stubbornly meandering on the path that was laid out beneath my feet. Eventually I found work, improving my personal situation, but doing nothing to improve my walk with God. 

But that’s not what God had planned for me. After my mom passed away, God forced me to stop and take a long, hard look at where I was in life and where I was going. That Sunday, I found myself at my local Salvation Army corps in Salt Lake City, and there, that day, I felt God respond to my resolve through a sudden sensation of peace and comfort. God was telling me that The Salvation Army was my church, and where I needed to be. 

When I experienced God first-hand, the lessons that my parents tried to teach me about God for so long finally took root, not as a borrowed blessing but as a true instilled faith. As it says in Ezekiel 36:26,  “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (NIV). Many Christians consider their salvation in only the most detached way, as I did. Necessary, yes, but necessary in the same way that it’s necessary to pay bills or get the oil changed. They consider salvation as a box to check as you go on with your life. Knowingly or not, I had been living with a heart of stone, a heart stubbornly set on following its own path and unresponsive to the voice of God. When I was finally ready to sincerely seek and surrender to God, as broken-hearted as I was, He responded to me and renewed my heart. 

Since then, I’ve experienced firsthand how following Jesus wholeheartedly completely recontextualizes the events and circumstances of life. We are not solitary beings set adrift on the merciless waters of life by a callous and uncaring creator. In truth, God has always been there, waiting for us to want the safety and salvation that He provides. 

It wasn’t long after that I felt God’s calling on my life to serve Him and His people as an officer in The Salvation Army. 

God took my heart of stone, gave me a heart of flesh, and as I continue to walk with Him day by day, He is writing His letter in my heart with His Holy Spirit. This letter is of Christ’s ministry to all the weak and the wounded in the world; those who suffer for want of salvation. He is preparing me, gifting and equipping me to deliver that letter.